My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
