Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
