i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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