I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
