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• (586): View more from Michigan

  I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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• (254): View more from Texas

  In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with

  (509): View more from Washington

  Isn't life beautiful?

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!

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• (315): View more from New York

  I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.

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