This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
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i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night