Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia