This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
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I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!