we're blogging at a bar
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
