Kiss
Puke
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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