I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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