Kiss
Puke
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
