ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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