You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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