Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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