Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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