I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
