Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
