I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
