I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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