hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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