he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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