Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize