Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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