"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
