it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
