Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
