I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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