hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
