can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
