The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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