garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
