I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
