Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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