mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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