Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
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Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I am naked and annoyed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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