yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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