I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
