I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
