My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
