She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
