I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
