an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
