Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
as a side note pls kill me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
