found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
