He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You made out with two different species that night
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
