Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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