I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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