Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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