Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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