yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
