This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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