Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
