I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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