Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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