Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
