You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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