drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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