So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
